Thursday, January 5, 2006

We're gonna party; we're gonna rock? Okay, Tom, just sit back and enjoy the show...

Cat-groomer Gloria Kotka had heard about this new film for the past few weeks. The buzz finally attracted her to the cinematic blossom of Bareback Mountain, a lesbian cowgirl love story. Its main characters were Virginia Manor and Nancy Darrelle, two renegade lesbian lovers who fought social convention spanning the early ‘60s to the present day in an attempt to adopt Asian children à la Angelina Jolie. Gloria bought her ticket and entered the darkened auditorium. She sat in the first seat she could find, right on the aisle. When her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she glanced around, making sure not to appear desperate for love (when in fact she was desperate for love). Gloria had dedicated her life to grooming cats and had not taken any time to have her own pussy stroked. (!) With the previews shown, the feature presentation began. Gloria laughed. She cried. It was better than Cats. She thought to herself, it’s not so much a love story as a tale of woe about a small-town cowgirl who refused to believe she had the possibility of being happy. So many Asian children would remain unadopted. While Gloria was leaving the theater, she bumped into a woman wearing a sombrero. Apologizing, she bent down to retrieve the Mexican hat. It was only then that she realized the woman was no woman but a mandrill. Barbara Mandrell, to be exact. Barbara clapped her hands enthusiastically as a way of thanking Gloria. As she walked away with her slightly limping date, she turned and waved at Gloria exiting the front door. Gloria felt a rush of warm blood to her cheeks. With tickets bought, Barbara Mandrell the mandrill and the man from M.O.N.K. walked into the darkened auditorium to view Memories of a Gecko.

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