Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Finals/New Beginnings

Finals week is more than half over; I have two more exams to give before I’m out from under the obligations of my job(s). I love my job(s). Don’t get me wrong. I would prefer to have one fulltime position with benefits, but I have to accept the fact that I most likely won’t have that until after completing the Ph.D.

I’m excited about the prospect of studying at the University of Dallas. Last night when I couldn’t sleep because of a late afternoon nap and the heat and stillness of the night air, I thought about the courses I’d be taking in the fall. I thought about the conference paper I want to submit. I thought about the continuation and summation of so many other experiences and goals all converging at UD. I haven’t been this excited about continuing (finishing!) my education in years.

Heard a couple of Heart songs on the radio this morning driving back from Rockwall. They reminded me of my friend Daisy, who was a huge fan. I wonder where she is these days. The last time I talked to her was probably ’94 or so. She was dating a very jealous and unreasonable man who didn’t want her to have anything to do with her friends. Now I’ve made stupid decisions in my life, but come on. What is it about the women I’ve been friends with who all come across as headstrong and determined but who “agree” to tolerate irrational demands from their boyfriends/husbands. Like don’t have friends. I guess it was her decision to make.

[Don't let this happen to you.] Speaking of decisions, I don’t regret ending my friendship with Kirk. He was so monstrously unpleasant and vindictive. But the no. 1 reason I finally threw in the towel: after not seeing him for more than a year because I was living abroad and had traveled around the entire globe, he only complained about his job when I finally agreed to meet him out. And he made fun of the fact that I was wearing a belt with shorts. Not once did he ask a simple, “And how are you?” A few months ago, he sent a pleasant email greeting. I didn’t waste my time responding. No reason to reestablish ties after all these years with someone I barely liked in the first place.

Beginning my jogging routine has been blissful. It’s easy to forget how much I enjoy being out in the morning; otherwise, I would’ve never stopped.

Trying hard not to think about Iraq when I have so much more free time to think about this stupid mess. Curious how so many can make such poor decisions. It’s not just Bush and his gang of neocons. But that all-voluntary military—it’s becoming harder and harder not to hold them just as responsible. Most of them aren’t going to be punished for torturing the inmates of all those prisons scattered about the globe in places where human decency is too shallow to allow dignity to grow. Why do they think that “just following orders” is a noble path? And we get the numbers of “insurgents” and we get the number of military casualties, but do you mean to tell me that not a single “innocent” bystander has been killed? No children? No “friendly” fire? Must be those magic bullets that only kill the bad guys! (Never forget #40.)

Trying hard not to think about how just a few weeks ago our government agreed to make it more difficult for poor individuals to declare bankruptcy but as of today are so willing to take on the pensions of United Airlines retirees—which of course poor Americans pay for with their regressive taxes.

Scattered among the multitude of footnotes of Thomas More’s Utopia was a reference to the fact that during the Middle Ages, the Swiss army, because of its efficiency and skill, was often paid to remain neutral in conflicts involving their neighbors. [Warning: rhetorical questions to follow.] Is that why Switzerland is still so damn neutral? Because it can make more money by not getting involved? (Wie sagt man Nazi gold auf Schweizerisch?)


  1. So, what's wrong with a belt with shorts?

    Oh, and how are you???


  2. Frankie--Cheers to finishing the term. I'm glad to hear that you are excited about school this fall. Are you teaching this summer?

    Perhaps Daisy did finally leave him--I hope so. Sometimes strong women think "sticking it out" is being strong as for so many people divorce represents a personal failure. Speaking as someone who is still regarded by certain persons who shall remain unnamed as weak, instead of strong and determined for choosing to get out (although I wonder if my ex had been an irrational control freak if that would've been an acceptable reason), deciding to stay or leave can be that much more difficult when you feel the burden of other's expectations.

    happy monday

  3. Dear Lori,

    Nothing is wrong with wearing a belt with shorts. Arbitrary fashion "laws" are as asinine as arbitrary moral "laws."

    And I would be remiss not to ask you, "How are you?" since you are the one who has recently been traveling the world! (Although I'm beginning to think this Finn is just a cardboard cut-out: you've been "together" for all this time & I've never seen a 3-D, lifesize version. We must correct this.)


    Dear Special K,

    Thanks for the cheers. I'll be teaching during the 2nd summer term (July - August). I'm still excited about UD, but now I've gotten an even sweeter offer from UTD; I've never had to turn down free money before! But I think I'll have to learn soon.

    As for Daisy, I hope she did leave the bastard. "Strength" is a screwy thing, no? "I'm strong enough to tough it out. I'm strong enough to survive." But surviving merely means living beyond ... the usefulness of life.

    These days, I don't think I'm strong enough to survive, but I'm happy to know I'm strong enough to walk away and cut all ties. :)

    Yours (both of yours),

  4. I am ducky. Just ducky.

    Thanks for asking.

    I jetlagged pretty damn hard, but I'm back to my cranky self now and Pasi returned home a couple of days, whenever you guys have some free time, let's get together. It's shameful how long it's been.

    Main Street Art Festival (I think) is this weekend in Grapevine..if you're up for some funnel cakes and really bad art..