Friday, October 29, 2004

The Problem with Democracy

The problem with democracy is that there are just too many damn voters, which means long lines winding through sketchy parts of town in bad weather. Why not let the elite among us (i.e., me) vote on your behalf? Allow me to represent your will in electing your representatives. I know what's best for you. Really. My system: if you want me to vote Democrat, I'll vote Democrat; if you want me to vote Republican, I'll vote Republican. As more and more people allow me to vote on their behalf, I'll tally the vote for either political party. If Election Day comes and it's a tie, then I'll stay home: it'll be as if all those people voted but without all the wasted votes. I really don't mind voting for a political party I don't believe in: it's what I've done since I turned 18. Besides, I already live on the bad side of town. And I like the rain.

The Onion's feature article ("Republicans Urge Minorities to Get Out & Vote Nov. 3") was so brilliantly funny that I made overheads to show all three of my classes yesterday. In humanities, we were talking about the rise of satire during the Enlightenment, so it fit nicely with the topic of the day; of course, humor is always appropriate (i.e., necessary and/or required) in government courses, especially after three sessions on civil rights.

In old Celtic culture, satire was, for all practical purposes, the equivalent of a curse or the Evil Eye. Can you imagine! Things like, "You are so qualified to vote in a democracy," could mean serious trouble for those it was directed at.

The most irritating thing beside the Frost-Sessions battle for District 32 is getting conservative propaganda mailed to me at my business address. Just because I own a small business does not mean it's appropriate to send erratically offensive campaign material smearing such progressive (and historically American) mainstays as workers' rights. Isn't this a misuse of public records? As a radically libertarian socialist (yeah, it's an ideological position on the back side of the political spectrum; I think there's probably three of us in all of America), I'm amazed that there are people who claim to be conservatives but would rather see all workers die penniless and homeless than to concede that corporatism is not, has never been, nor ever will be capable of or interested in increasing social stability in this country. Family values simply do not equal corporate values. Irony of ironies is that conservatives are the ones using "family values" in their sound bites ad nauseam.

My final political rant for today: if President George W. Bush has done such a good job protecting America, then why did the attacks of September 11th take place on his watch? And why didn't any of his staff get the axe for failing to do their jobs? Take that into the voting booth with you.

Seriously, folks: don't vote yourselves out of liberty, or more importantly, a job. Either way, it doesn't really affect me: I have a passport and an empty credit card. Thank god for corporate America!

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