Friday, December 23, 2005

Even Tom Yest wants to rule the world? But the point is probably moot...

During the ‘80s, Sam Heedrin drank lots of soda pop as he tried to decide the most pressing issue of his young life: was he a greater fan of Dr. Noah Drake on ABC’s General Hospital or of Mr. Rick Springfield, Australian pop star known for his hit “Jessie’s Girl”? Of course, they were one and the same person. Mr. Rick Springfield was a rock-n-roll superstar—no, megastar, but Dr. Noah Drake, despite his bouts with alcoholism, was a world-renown neurosurgeon! Back and forth, between the radio and TV, back and forth: Noah or Rick, Rick or Noah. Back and forth, like some crazy binary code that once deciphered would ultimately end back up at the same person—the one person behind both the mega-rock god Rick Springfield and the genius neurosurgeon at Port Charles’ General Hospital: none other than Tom Yest. 010001000
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11010000110111101110100001000010010000100100001 Yes, Tom—a boy that he’s going to sit two rows behind in Professor X’s class at the community college. (But that’s another story altogether.) Yes, Tom—the man who would attempt (and fail) to hunt down the famous author Don Bleu in Santiago in an attempt to silence his lies. (But that’s another story altogether.) Until then, poor bloated, burpy Sam can’t decide between Dr. Noah Drake and Mr. Rick Springfield. But what he can decide upon is this: he absolutely does not like the line “But the point is probably moot” from Mr. Rick Springfield’s hit “Jessie’s Girl.” When he’s not sitting in front of the TV from 2:00 – 3:00 watching General Hospital and not scanning the dial on his AM/FM radio trying to find a station playing “Jessie’s Girl,” he reworks the lyrics to fit whatever mood he’s in that day. Here are some of his attempts: “You know I feel so dirty when they start talkin’ cute/ I wanna tell her that I love her but I broke the heel on my boot”; “You know I feel so dirty when they start talkin’ cute/ I wanna tell her that I love her but I’m really a fruit”; and “You know I feel so dirty when they start talkin’ cute/ I wanna tell her that I love her and that I think she’s a hoot!” Brilliant! Fuckin’ brilliant!

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